Magnetic Enterprises
by urdreamkeeper
Summary: Magnets! Magnets I say! (why not, that's Jack's explanation for everything?)IT's done! to anyone who has even read a little of this story, it's finally finished! let me know what you think! thanks heaps for reading!
1. Default Chapter

Magnetic Enterprises

Summary: All that talk about magnets, and look how far it finally gets Jack.

Season: six because Jonas is in it.

Spoilers: none, zero, zilch, nada, zip, 

Category: Humor/Action (mostly humor)

Disclaimer: Wait…let me check….damn, I still don't own it. Nope…not mine.

Author's note: There's quite a bit to this story, but I have several pieces of it, and no transitions. It took me forever to work out the beginning, I already know how it is going to end, and the middle is most of the way done. Now if I could just figure out how in the hell I am going to connect the three, then I'll be on my way. So I will post as I go, trying to get the complete version up within a reasonable amount of time. Enjoy! 

Chapter one: Getting off the ramp

"General Hammond, its SG-1 returning sir." Davis sat in his worn down chair at the consoles to control the Stargate.

"Open the iris Sergeant. It's about damn time they came back, they're fifteen hours overdue." Hammond said rather annoyed. Just for once, he'd like to see SG-1 return on time. Most of the other teams at least made an effort to check in if they were going to be late coming home. The Colonel didn't even bother anymore.

The iris opened, and for a few moments no one emerged from the gate. The General was about to hit the panic button when SG-1came through. But it was the WAY they had come through the gate that had Hammond concerned. As the team emerged, they were walking right next to each other…literally. Each member of the team was touching the next member, and they were shoulder to shoulder. Except that there was a measurable space between Jonas and Teal'c that never got smaller. When they exited the gate and came onto the ramp, Sg-1 stopped…and didn't move. It was like they were stuck to the ramp. The General bolted down the steps and into the gate room prepared to give them a good ass-chewing for not checking in on time.

"UH General?!" O'Neill shouted as his CO came flying through the gate room in a flush. "I realize that we're extremely late, AGAIN, but there is a reasonable explanation!" He felt Jonas turn his head and look in his direction.

"There had better be Colonel, you are more than fifteen hours late, and frankly, I'm getting damned tired of it. Why do you insist on giving me a coronary every time you go through that gate? And why are you all standing like that?" Hammond made a sweeping motion with his hand at the rest of the team as he got in Jack's face.

The Colonel was on the end, to Hammond's right side. Next was Jonas who kept getting glared at by the Colonel. Teal'c was on the other side of Jonas, and Sam was on the other end.

"Sir, I know you are upset, just hear me out." Jack started in again. "P2R- 687 was a friendly planet. We were not harmed, and in fact, I think we might have made another ally. It's just that their atmosphere was a bit different than we are used to here on earth."

"What do you mean by that Colonel?" Hammond was starting to relax, just knowing his flagship team was safe. He was also aware, that all of the sudden, there seemed to be a lot of other SGC personnel surrounding him and getting closer by the second. He knew that it was just the defensive unit that had been standing by when SG-1 returned, but why were they getting so damned close? He turned around and gave the marine Captain a questioning look.

"Hold on a minute Colonel. Captain, what in the hell are you and your team doing? I'm sorry if I didn't give the order to stand down, but how long have you been doing this? What is your problem? Can't you see that everything is okay? I think the situation is under control, why are you still moving closer?" Hammond was beginning to get a headache.

"General Hammond sir, if you'll notice, you yourself are getting closer to SG-1 as well. We don't know what it is sir, but we are not doing it on purpose. Something is pulling us." The Captain was right. Hammond looked down, and he was indeed standing pretty close to Colonel O'Neill. He turned back to the Colonel.

"Magnets Sir." Jack started in again, pretty certain that Sam was on the other end rolling her eyes at him. "We have all been zapped by giant magnets. And it won't be wearing off anytime soon." Wincing with the effort, Jack managed to pry his hand off of his P-90. As he did, General Hammond's tie rose up and stood straight out. Hammond looked down, and saw that his tie clip was sliding down the length of his tie. With an excellent impression of a goldfish, he watched as it left his tie, and ended up in O'Neill's outstretched hand. Then, the metals on his uniform shirt pulled towards Jack, and Hammond had to put his hand over them to keep them from flying off of his shirt. He even felt his belt buckle tug on his trousers.

Now everyone noticed as things were starting to gravitate towards SG-1. The fifty calibers started sliding on their tripods, scraping the cement floor with a teeth-grinding squeal, and once they hit the ramp they started to tip over. The defense team got to them in time, but it took extra effort. Sam watched as the doors to the circuit breaker boxes flew open with a metallic _clang!_ She jumped in where the Colonel had left off.

"General Sir, P2R-687 has a completely different spectrum of electromagnetic energy than we have ever encountered before. The aliens were very advanced, but in order for us to be able to interact with them, we had to be kept isolated. They thrive on the EM fields for their food, and energy sources. They do not use crystals like the Goa'uld or electricity like us. But the way it was explained to us, was if we were to come in contact with any of them, or be left on our own to explore, they would become sick from the different form of energy that we naturally emit. The aliens were called the Cequarish, and they are very accustomed to having visitors from other planets. So they were very willing to share information about themselves in exchange for information about us. They even had a holding facility, for lack of better words, already set up for any visitors that may come through the gate. The best part is, they are sworn enemies against the Goa'uld. Even though it did take some convincing as far as Teal'c was concerned, but no matter, they accepted him as one of us." 

Sam felt like a kid that had just discovered toys under the Christmas tree. She just knew that the Colonel was at the other end rolling his eyes at her, but she didn't care. She continued on anyway.

"We were, to put it simply, magnetized sir. The Cequarish race naturally emit a form of energy that is entirely foreign to anything we have ever seen, and vice versa with us. Our body energy was completely foreign to them as well. But the thing is General, they were _prepared_ for the differences, and they were completely willing to share information about themselves and their technology. But we had to undergo a …uh…magnetization if you will, so that we wouldn't get sick, and they would be safe from us too. Think of it like when a deep sea diver must be pressurized before he can go out into extreme depths."

"The Cequarish are even willing to arrange for trade, but any exchange is going to be extremely difficult, and will have to be monitored very carefully." Jonas added as he watched everyone keep taking steps back because they were being pulled towards the team.

"Well, fair enough. But what do we do about this current …uh…situation?" Hammond said as he put his hand over his belt buckle to keep it attached to his pants. The amused look from Jack didn't go unnoticed.

"Uh, sir? I recommend removing everything metal from the gate room until we figure out a way to un-stick ourselves from the ramp...and our weapons, and our…umf…gear. And as far as why we're standing like this? The aliens had to adjust the polarity of the rooms that we were all being held in so that we would stay on the ground. They don't have gravity sir, it's artificially made. So Carter and I must have been grounded in one room, and Jonas and Teal'c must have been grounded in the other."

Now it was Sam's turn to do her goldfish impression. She couldn't believe the Colonel had just spouted that off. Apparently, neither could anyone else. Everyone was just looking at O'Neill, and then at Sam, expecting further explanation or instruction or anything.

Jonas jumped in

"You see sir, Colonel O'Neill and I are stuck together, because we were in oppositely charged rooms. One is positive, and one is negative, although I'm not sure which one got which. But if you'll notice, Teal'c and I can't touch. It's like trying to touch two positive magnets together, and they repel each other. The same for Major Carter and the Colonel. If they try to touch, the magnetic fields surrounding them repel each other. But Major Carter theorizes that she and Teal'c are stuck together because of the Naquadah in their systems, which enhances the attraction of the magnetic fields." Jonas stopped to take a breath.

"Well at least we don't have to worry about the regs." Hammond interrupted, looking from the Colonel to the Major. Jonas continued on.

"We were warned that the effects would carry on even after we got back to Earth, but according to the Cequarish, the magnetization should only last about three days, and then our bodies will return to normal."

The General was thoughtful for a moment, and after a bit, started bellowing out orders.

"I want everything out of this gate room now, except the fifty cals which I want temporarily bolted down to the floor, and all of SG-1's gear. Take off everything that has metal in it, and anyone coming into this room will be in their PT uniforms, until we can figure out what to do to get SG-1 off the gate ramp. The last thing I need is little flying objects that could potentially be dangerous."

The defensive unit started initiating the orders, and Hammond turned back to the team. 

"Sg-1, I would tell you to stand down, but that would be just a little redundant. So after they finish clearing the gate room, we are all going to change clothes so that we can help you get your gear off, and hopefully get you off the ramp somehow. Then we are going to talk about further trade negotiations with our new friends. I don't know how Dr. Frasier is going to conduct her post mission physicals, hell everything in that infirmary has got metal in it somewhere. Well, I will leave that up to her, but I just wanted to let you know, that she will be by as well." The General turned around to go and change his clothes.

"Fine sir, we'll just wait here!" Jack called after Hammond, and turned his head to look down the line at the rest of the team. "It's a good thing we don't need an MRI."

Jonas looked perplexed, Carter sniggered, and Teal'c just raised an eyebrow.

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	2. chap 2: stripping down

M.E. Chapter 2

Stripping down

Twenty five minutes after the arrival of SG-1, the hustle to get the team off of the ramp began. All of the soldiers were dressed in their BDU's. General Hammond had changed his clothes as well, and headed back into the gate room to check in with his number one team.

"Looking sharp General." Jack said as Hammond had to steady himself going up the ramp. He was surprised at the amount of inertia that was pulling him towards the team when he walked into the gate room. There were scientists and Air Force staff everywhere, involved in different activities to try and get SG-1 out of the gate room. Several men were riveting the fifty caliber guns to the ground to either side of the ramp. Others were trying their best to remove SG-1's gear and equipment.

"Thank you, I was going to make everyone stay in their PT uniforms, but some of the personnel informed me that it doesn't matter what we wear, we're still going to be drawn to you. So I ordered everyone who is going to come in contact with you to remain in their BDU's, and I ask no more or less of myself, so here I am. Dr. Frasier…"

"I'm here sir." Janet too was in her BDU's. She rather welcomed the change from her working blues which she wore on a daily basis. Janet had a hard time keeping her balance as she was pulled up the ramp. She grabbed onto the handrail to steady herself.

"Doc!" Jack said happily. No needles for him today, nope. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"Dr. Frasier." Teal'c nodded.

"Hello Dr. Frasier." Jonas added

"Hey Janet; it's going to be pretty difficult to do our post-mission physicals today, don't you think?" Sam was happy to see her friend too, but she no more looked forward to a needle in the butt any more than the rest of the team.

"Yes, Sam, it is. No worries, I think you guys look pretty healthy to me. I can't do any sort of exam without my equipment, but as soon as this…" Janet waved her hand at the team. "…wears off, then you all will get a complete and thorough physical before you are cleared for your next mission." She smiled right back at the Colonel in triumph. The doctor knew all about O'Neill's aversion to needles and pills, and it gave her pleasure to see him squirm a little. She could have sworn she'd heard his trademark 'doh' under his breath, and she just smiled even bigger.

"So General, what are we doing about SG-1 now? Janet looked up and asked. "Where are they going to go until the effects of the alien technology wear off?"

Hammond and Frasier both tried to get out of the way as several airmen headed up the ramp to start unloading Sg-1's equipment. It was protocol for any team that had been contaminated on another planet to have to turn over their equipment and uniforms for analysis an de-contamination. The haz-mat team felt that it was more efficient to get 

Sg-1's clothes and gear off while on the ramp, so that 'un-sticking' them would be much easier. 

"We'll worry about that in a few minutes. I just want to watch this." He smirked as the pair looked up at Sg-1 who were still in exactly the same spots as when they arrived back on Earth. Siler was among the bunch that decided they wanted to help.

Sam started in to help Siler who just didn't know quite where to begin removing all of Sg-1's stuff. "Sergeant, I think it's better if you go one person at a time. Remove the equipment from one of us to the other right down the line, and remember that the Colonel and I are magnetically charged the same, and Jonas and Teal'c are charged the same. So my gear and Teal'c's will stick together, and so will the Colonel's and Jonas's. You can use that to your advantage."

"Yes Ma'am." Was all that Siler would say. The General and the doctor moved to the base of the ramp to let the airmen work.

The weapons were the first priority. They were going to start O'Neill, but they had to get him and Jonas apart first before they could do anything. A soldier took hold of Jonas, and another took hold of Jack. They pulled, and the two men's shoulders came apart just enough to get another airman's arm in between them. 

"OWW!! You could've at least warned me before you were going to do that!!" Jack yelled in surprise. "That hurts!"

Now, they had to remove his P-90. The two guys that had held him and Jonas apart now each grabbed one of Jack's arms. The third airman just stood where he was, keeping Jack and Jonas apart while the others worked. A total of about ten Air Force and Marines were working at one time.

The airmen were holding the Colonel's arms with all of their strength. Little beads of sweat broke out on their foreheads. Jack was trying to help them as much as he could by trying to keep his hands as far apart from each other as he could. The rest of the team watched as Siler and another technician grabbed a hold of the Colonel's gun and strained to lift it away from his chest. It gave way with great difficulty, and the technician and Siler both fell on their rumps with muffled grunts, still holding Jack's P-90. Siler handed it to another Sergeant, who took it out of the gate room to de-con.

"You know, I just thought of something." Jonas said looking around at his team. "I can't move as well as when I first arrived back here in the gate room. Are you guys feeling the same thing? I feel heavier somehow, like I am tied down."

"Go ahead Carter; I know your brain is cooking up all kinds of theories over there. You've been quiet for five minutes straight. He's right though, I feel like I'm wearing lead. What's up with that?" Jack turned his head to look down the line at his 2IC. 

"Actually sir, I have no idea. Well, not exactly no idea, but I'm working on it. It could be any number of things. My guess is that the gravitational differences between the two planets are significant. Seeing as their gravity was artificial, and ours is natural, there might be no way to compensate for the varying amounts of inertia that Earth's gravity field generates. We also may weigh more on Earth, than we did on P2R-687. There's really no way of telling unless I can get to my lab to run some tests, but I can't do that, or I will erase all of the hard drives from the EM field that we are emitting. I.."

Sam stopped in mid-sentence as she watched Siler get a pair of pliers and attach them to the Colonel's zipper on his vest so that he could pull it down. The pliers stuck instantly to the thick, black metal zipper of Jack's vest, and Siler had to literally sit down on the ramp, and pull with both hands. As he got the zipper down, the catch at the end of the zipper's track would not release. Siler yanked hard, and still the zipper would not release. Again, Siler pulled, and it seemed the more he pulled, the more the zipper caught. He ignored the brays of laughter from the surrounding personnel. Even General Hammond and Dr. Frasier had to stifle their chuckles.

Finally, the zipper on the Colonel's vest gave, and two more airmen were on either side of him to pull his vest off of his shoulders, they too had to struggle, but with two of them, it made it easier.

"You know Siler, WD-40 was invented for a reason." Jack said, not expecting a reply as Siler just glared at him. Oops. Not even a yes sir.

"It would be best now sir, if you simply unlace your boots, and undo your BDU's and just leave your underclothes on. You should be able to step right out of your clothes onto the ramp." Siler stated. Jack did as he was told, and the crew moved on to Jonas.

It was easier the second time around, Teal'c and Jonas were already apart, and Jonas was quite a bit more cooperative in the removal of his gear than the Colonel had been. The zipper on Jonas's vest didn't give Siler any trouble at all, even though he had to sit down again and use the pliers to pull it down. Jonas too, started to strip down to his underwear.

The Colonel bent down to get Siler's attention again. "Um, Siler, I have a little problem here." Jack said to the Sergeant. "My foot seems to be stuck inside my boot, and well, the pants won't come off until the boots do, so what next?" He was only slightly embarrassed that he was standing in his drawers in front of the entire base. Mostly due to Carter watching on the other end. He couldn't wait until it was her turn. It took two airmen on each foot to remove Jack and Jonas's boots, and then they were left to stand, stuck once again on the ramp. Jack was in his t-shirt, boxers, and black socks, and Jonas was in his t-shirt, boxer/briefs, and white socks. 

They were once more stuck back together.

"You know Jonas, being stuck with you in your underwear is not in my 'idiot's guide to getting to know your alien friend'. I could think of much better ways for two guys to bond." Why couldn't he have been stuck with Carter in HER underwear?

Jonas just shrugged. When he did, Jack's shoulders went up right along with Jonas's, and he glared at the young Kelownan without another word. This was going to be a long three days. He turned to watch as the crew was using everything they had to pry Teal'c's hands off of his staff weapon. A second crew, consisting of two female marine captains had joined in to help Sam get her gear off as well.

Teal'c too, started to remove his clothing, being grateful that this magnetization had not ever occurred when he was wearing full metal Jaffa battle dress. He didn't think his Jaffa comrades would have had such an easy time removing his uniform as the Tauri did with his current attire. They got his boots off, and he stood waiting for whatever he was supposed to do next, while the group next to him helped Sam out of her gear.

Janet hastily ran out of the gate room, and came back just as Sam's second boot had been removed. She just about fell up the ramp, to bring Sam one of the long lab coats from the infirmary, so that she wouldn't have to stand on the ramp in her bra and underwear. Much to the Colonel's disappointment, she was sure. 

"Hey that's not fair! How come she gets a lab coat, and the rest of us have to stand here in our skivvies?" Jack blurted out before he could stop himself. Sam and Janet both grinned as she helped her friend put on the long white coat.

After about an hour and a half of hard, laborious work on the part of the airmen and the soldiers, Sg-1 was escorted with terrific effort down the ramp. It took four men for each member of the team to get them down the ramp.

"Now where do we take them sir? Janet went back to the question she'd asked the General earlier. "We can't take them to the infirmary they'd be creating a war zone as soon as they stepped through the door."

"Sg-1, as much as I hate to do this to you, I am going to have to quarantine you in the level 22 isolation quarters until we get this thing figured out. You can have anything you need, as long as it's not anything with metal in it, or that is electronic. The EM field that you are generating will erase anything on a computer, just like the Major said. And I don't want to take any chances. I can't let you free in this facility; I really don't know what things are going to stick to you, and what things aren't. You don't need a guard posted, but I want one there in case you need anything. Understood?"

"Yes sir" Sam and Jack replied.

"Thank you General Hammond." Teal'c answered.

Jonas spoke up too. "Dr. Frasier, I am incredibly tired right now. I wasn't like his an hour ago, what do you think it is?" In fact, the rest of the team was feeling it too. They were all almost completely exhausted.

"If Sam's theory on gravitational forces is correct, it's only going to get worse." 

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	3. chapter 3 recuperating

Chapter 3: Recuperating

"Sergeant, I swear to god if you run into me one more time, you'll be pulling head duty so fast you won't be able to blink!" One annoyed Colonel snapped, as he turned to yell in the face of the soldier who was quite literally RIGHT behind him. The scared airman struggled to pull himself away, thankful his boots had good traction so that he could get a good foothold on the floor to step backwards. Jonas struggled to stay facing forward, as the momentum from the Colonel's brisk turn to the rear almost carried him around too.

"Yes sir, sorry sir. It's very tough to…um… stay away from you, but it won't happen again sir." The Sergeant replied humbly.

"Um, yeah, I know I'm completely irresistible, but just keep your distance will you?" Jack hastily turned back around so that he was facing forward again. He noticed that no one else dared to make eye contact with him except for Jonas. His subordinates knew better. Up ahead Hammond and Frasier turned around to see what the fuss was about. A few yards to the rear, Sam and Teal'c watched with amusement at the commotion up ahead. Sam just shook her head and chuckled, as the entourage continued on to the supply room for some fresh clothes before heading to the isolation quarters.

New BDU's were issued to the team. The males headed to the male lockers, and after Sam and Teal'c were pulled apart, she headed to the female lockers, followed by her female escorts. After some difficulty with sticking to the aluminum lockers, and a lot of help from the staff to get them unstuck, the team was finally on their way to level 22.

"Aaaaaaahh, home away from home." Jack said as they arrived at the isolation quarters.

"Colonel," Hammond started in. "The room has been converted into two separate quarters, one for you, Jonas and Teal'c, and the other for Major Carter. They are connected, and a lounge was added, so the four of you will have enough space to move around. If what you say about the magnetization is true, then you'll only be here for the remainder of three days, and after Dr. Frasier clears you, you'll be back on the mission schedule again." 

Jack groaned in protest. Janet and Sam both rolled their eyes, and Teal'c turned his nose up slightly. Hammond ignored them all.

"I'm going to get a hold of the Pentagon and let them know about our new friends, and ask them how they want me to proceed, given the atmospheric differences between the two planets. I hope for once, we have actually found a race that is willing to form an alliance with us, instead of just tease us with their technology. I'll be back up later today, or early tomorrow, so we can have the official post- mission de-briefing. For now, just get some rest. What ever you need, just ask, and I'll try and get it up to you."

"Sir, we've only been home for a little over three hours, how did they get these rooms ready so quickly? And so efficiently stocked with cardboard and plastic and wood… everything?" Jonas inquired.

"The quarters were already combined to accommodate the Vice President and his security guards when they came for treaty negotiations last fall. Although never making it all the way down to level 28, they were most impressed with NORAD, and Cheyenne Mountain. We just kept it this way in case we needed them again."

The General turned and attempted to leave, but he was having such trouble getting his footing, that one of the airmen had to help pull the General away from Sg-1. He looked at Sam with a questioning face.

"I don't know sir, it seems as though the EM field around us is getting stronger, but also more concentrated just around the four of us. When we first arrived in the gate room, the fifty calibers started sliding, and you and the defense team were being pulled to us from at least seventy-five feet. Now, notice that you're standing about fifteen feet from us, and you're 'on solid ground' so to speak. I can't wait to get into my lab and run some simulations after these effects wear off." Sam was excited with the anticipation, and Hammond just shook his head.

"Well, for your sake, I hope the effects wear off soon. Dr. Frasier let me know if anything unusual comes up." With that said, the General was finally able to leave.

"Okay, I'd also like to come back later for some observation. I'd like to see how this electro-magnetization affects you physically as well as psychologically. But for now you need your rest, So I'm going to go to my office and also check on my other patients. Let me know if you need anything, otherwise, I'll see you soon." 

Janet had already taken her lesson from watching the General, and she slowly and with some effort stepped backwards. It was like a strong wind was blowing behind her, and she was leaning into it to get a good grip on the floor. When the petite doctor got out of range of the EM field, she suddenly went backwards a little too fast. Keeping her feet however, Janet just smiled broadly and left for her infirmary. Sg-1 watched with interest, as slowly, one by one, each member of their escort that had brought them to their new home for three days, got out of range of the magnetic field that was pulling them towards SG-1.

"If you need anything sirs, ma'am, I'll be out here in the corridor. Just let me know." The last airman shut the door to the isolation quarters, although it wasn't without a good fight. The airman won, and got the door shut, and all was finally quiet for the team.

"Okay, this sucks." Jack said bluntly to the rest of the group. "No TV, no x-box, not even a radio." The Colonel strode over to the storage cabinet along one wall, carefully avoiding getting too close to Jonas, so they wouldn't get stuck again. He opened the closet doors.

"Sir, It wouldn't do you any good anyway, to have your x-box in here. As soon as you touched it, you would erase the CPU on the unit, and it would be trash." Sam added attempting to put some pity in her voice. 

She was glad the Colonel wouldn't be driving her crazy for three days with the music from his video games. And she ALWAYS got the stupid little tunes stuck in her head. Yes, thank God for small miracles.

"Well, at least they put some board games, and cards and some other stuff in…" Before Jack could finish his sentence, the cardboard top to the chess box flew off with amazing force, smacking him in the torso, and falling to the floor. Not even having time to blink, Jack watched with wide eyes, as all 32 pieces to the magnetic chess set came flying out of the cabinet straight at him.

"Sir! Ha Ha ha! Look out!" Sam said as she began to laugh.

"Well, I guess we won't be playing chess anytime soon!" Jonas grinned as he looked at the Colonel.

Teal'c couldn't help but chuckle either. Jack had a rook stuck to his forehead, a pawn stuck right above his left eye, one of the queens stuck above the other eye, several pawns stuck to his neck, a king held onto his nose, both the bishops and the other queen were in his hair, and one of the knights looked like it was biting Jack's ear by the way it was hanging on. The rest of the pieces stuck to his shoulders and chest, and he just stood there, covered in miniature medieval warriors, not knowing exactly what to do next.

Sam was holding her side, and Jonas was wiping his eyes, from laughing so hard. Teal'c smiled a real smile, and continued to watch as the Colonel started to pull the chess pieces away from his face. It didn't matter, they stuck to his hand and fingers, and they were just about pissing Jack off. He flung his arm as if shaking off water. The pieces hit the ground, and immediately were sucked to the sides of his shoes, and pants leg.

"OKAY!!! WHO WAS THE SMART ASS THAT PUT A _MAGNETIC_ CHESS SET IN A ROOM WITH A BUNCH OF ELECTRO-MAGNETICALLY CHARGED PEOPLE, AND THOUGHT THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY A GOOD IDEA?!!!" He called loudly to the room, and to anyone that was standing within fifty feet of the door outside. This just made the situation even funnier. Jonas had to sit down on the floor, tears were streaming down his face.

Sam snorted, and it was all over. Jack busted out into laughter, and Jonas fell over onto his side, trying to get his breath.

"You SNORTED!" Jack said in between fits of giggles. This made Sam laugh harder, and Jonas was hitching in wheezy breaths, as Teal'c just shook his head, and took in all of the commotion. The guard came back in to find a hysterical SG-1, and just stood in the doorway waiting.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" The puzzled soldier asked.

"Yes, there is. Get these damned chess pieces out of here, every one of them." Jack pointed to his chest and legs and shoes. As soon as the airman got within range of the Colonel, he had to hold onto to the sofa to keep from running right into the Colonel. He bent down and took the chess pieces off of Jack's pant leg, and removed the last ones from his shoulders and hair, and turned and headed out the door without a word.

"Well, if you ever want to know how a refrigerator feels when you put all those magnets on it, all you have to do is think back to this experience, sir!" Sam said as she scooted along the wall so she could avoid Teal'c and get to her quarters.

"If you gentlemen don't mind, I will take that room in there. The mattress is on the floor, I see they took out the box springs, but I figure you guys can work out the sleeping arrangements out here on your own. I'm exhausted, but I have some theories that I'd like to try out tomorrow, so I'm going to hit the sack. Good night." Sam shut the door unintentionally hard, and the others heard a distinctive 'shit' come from behind the door as Sam pulled her hand off of the doorknob.

"Yep." Jack said to the closed door. "This is going to be a long three days."

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	4. chapter 4 first night

Chapter 4: First Night

// Jack was in a field, with bright yellow grass. There were Jaffa everywhere, and he wasn't killing a single one. He was tickling them. He was tickling them to get them to stop eating all of his Jell-O. But there were more and more of them and he couldn't have any Jell-O at all, and it just wasn't fair. Now they had rolled over on him, and they were squishing him and he...//

...Woke up to Jonas's butt snuggled right up against his back. Jack was lying on his left side on the floor in front of the couch, which had previously been occupied by Jonas. Teal'c sat against the wall on the far side of the room in a very content state of Kelnoreem. As Jack tried to roll over, Jonas scooted his butt closer. Jack tried again. He went the other way this time. The magnetic field was so strong, that when he went the opposite way of Jonas, the younger man went with him, and Jack flipped him over to his now right side.

"SPPSST. Jonas!" Jack hoarsely whispered. "Jonas wake up!!" Jonas didn't budge. he mumbled something about chocolate. Jack tried pushing him away, but it was no use. With the dead weight, and the magnetic field combined, Jonas stayed attached to Jack like they'd been born that way.

"JONAS GOD DAMN IT, WAKE THE HELL UP!" Jack yelled in Jonas's ear. The young man jumped in his sleep, and opened his eyes to look directly at Jack who had now wriggled himself onto his back, with Jonas on top of him.

"Colonel, what happened? I thought you were asleep on the fl..." Jonas broke off as he sleepily looked around at his surroundings.

Just then, Sam opened the door to the other room and stormed out in her pants and a dark blue t-shirt, with her hair standing straight up and one sock on her left foot. Teal'c, hearing Jack scream at Jonas too, stood up and walked to the center of the room, taking care not to go near where Sam was walking with only one eye open. To make things worse, the new guard that had taken over at midnight entered the room at the same time as Sam and Teal'c were cautiously approaching the couch to peer over to the other side.

"This is not what it looks like!" Jack blurted right out. His eyes were big enough to take up his whole face. Jonas was trying desperately to get off of the Colonel, but Jack was not cooperating, and Jonas was not having any luck. 

"I was on the couch when we went to sleep; I don't know what happened!" Jonas tried to defend himself and the Colonel. This was sooo going to ruin his reputation with the ladies in the infirmary.

"Um, sir, would you like some help? I thought that you guys wouldn't have any trouble making your own sleeping arrangements, but I was apparently mistaken." Sam said yawning. It was three thirty in the morning, and she didn't feel the slightest bit amused at being awoken to the Colonel's games, but she couldn't help but grin just a little at his 'compromising position'.

However, the Colonel didn't seem to hear what she said at all.

"You WERE sleeping on the couch when we laid down last night! And I was sleeping down here on the floor, all by my little lonesome. I don't know what you do in your sleep, but I don't like you bringing it down here to me! Is that understood? How in the hell did you get down here anyway? I'm at least twenty feet away from you!" Jack was yelling literally in Jonas's face. The military tone of voice was starting to come out, and so were the veins on Jack's neck

The guard spoke up. "Is there anything I can help you with sirs?"

"You're dismissed Airman." Jack said coldly. The airman was curious, but not enough so to warrant testing the Colonel any further. Jack didn't have a reputation for yelling that often, but when he did, people listened. The guard shut the door with a hasty "Yes sir."

"Geeze Colonel, I'm really sorry. I was dreaming about swimming in a pool of chocolate with... ... um, I was dreaming about chocolate sir, I'm sorry. I guess I must have rolled off the couch, and when I hit the floor, I must have been pulled over to you."

"Fine. Now how are you going to get off of me? I'll just bet the security guys on level 16 are getting a real big kick out of this." Jack looked up at the security camera as he said it. The two men began to struggle to get themselves apart. 

Teal'c yawned and went back to his corner for some more meditation. This was typical. A terrific night of Kelnoreem and it was interrupted by unnecessary Tauri antics.

"Um sir, Jonas, if you two will just stop for a minute, I can help you." Sam said as she caught Teal'c's contagious yawn.

The two stopped struggling, and managed to look up at Sam. Jonas had his hand on Jack's face, had Jack had his foot on the side of Jonas's hip trying to push him away with his feet.

"All you guys are doing is making the magnetic field stronger. The more you move the stronger the magnetization. Just stop for a minute. This should be like pulling any two ordinary household magnets apart. Just...on a much larger scale. If both of you roll, in opposite directions, at the same time, with a lot of muscle, you should be able to disconnect. I recommend that you keep going in those directions until you're far enough away from each other to get outside of the magnetic field." Sam yawned again.

"I'll count." Jack said impatiently." "We go on three. I'll go to my right, you go to your right, and then we are sleeping on total opposite sides of the room, got it?" Jonas nodded.

"One...two......three!" The two men rolled away from each other with amazing quickness. There was just something about being stuck to another man that bothered them both tremendously, and they were greatly relieved when they were apart.

"Thank you Carter. That was as close to Jonas as I ever really want to be. No offense Jonas. But I am going to take this corner over here. Feel free to take the couch back or the floor over there." The Colonel pointed across the room. Jonas hopped right back onto the couch.

"Good night sir. Jonas. Teal'c." With that said, Sam headed back to bed. She'd laugh tomorrow, when she didn't feel like she weighed eight hundred pounds from all of the inertia that was pulling her down.

"Night Carter...again! Jack called to her as she shut the door once more. He looked over at the couch. He was facing the back of the sofa, and all he could see were Jonas's feet hanging off of the end. Jonas was going back to sleep already.

Sure wasn't a very big couch.

So Teal'c settled back into his corner across the room, and Jack settled against the opposite wall. Now that he had been so rudely awakened, he didn't think he'd have an easy time going back to sleep any time soon. 

//Wonder what we'll do if the Pentagon approves diplomatic relations with the Cequarish? It's going to be really expensive to figure out a way to maintain appropriate quarantine procedures. I really hope that SG- 15 are the ones to go back and do the negotiating. I can't handle another three days stuck to Jonas! Now maybe if it were Carter... that would be worth exploring. Hey...I wonder...// Jack stood up and interrupted his own thoughts. He walked over to the door that led into the other room where Sam lay deeply asleep again after the late night interruption.

Quickly looking around the room at the other two who were out, Jack tried the doorknob. His hand stuck right to it. With some effort, he silently pulled it off again. Then slowly holding his hand out, he let it dangle just above the doorknob, and then...whssoop....his hand was sucked back overtop the doorknob.

//Oh this is going to be fun!// Jack played this little game with the doorknob a couple more times. He looked back around at the couch where Jonas was huffing rather loudly. Not snoring exactly, but exhaling very...well, loudly. Silently, he tiptoed back over to the rear of the couch, and cautiously leaned just far enough over so that he could see Jonas sleeping with his left arm across his face. 

Jack held his self up against the couch with his legs. Already he could feel the magnetic fields between him and Jonas pulling them together. He reached his right hand over the back of the couch, and held it about three feet above Jonas's arm that covered his face. Jack watched with amusement as Jonas's arm raised up as it was attracted to the magnetic field around his own arm. It was like he had Jonas's arm on a string and he was pulling it up off of his face without Jonas knowing. Suddenly, Jack yanked his own arm back behind the couch again, and grinned broadly as Jonas smacked his self in the face.

He did it again. This time, once he got Jonas's arm up off of his face, Jack raised his arm higher, so that Jonas's arm was at a 90 degree angle, straight up in the air. Quickly, Jack stepped back, and heard a loud _whack_! as Jonas's arm fell right back over his head. 

"umnf.. ow...umf." Jonas mumbled after smacking his own face twice in five minutes. He briskly rolled over so that his face was buried in the back of the couch.

Jack bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. He noticed that Jonas also had his feet crossed now, as he was curled up on his side. Jack crept around to the opposite end of the couch where Jonas's feet were. He held his hands up in a magician's gesture, over the top of Jonas's feet. He could see the top foot move up in the air slightly. Jack moved his hands fast to one side. Jonas's feet came uncrossed, and the top foot slammed to the floor beside the couch. Oops...that did it; Jonas stirred, and opened his eyes. Jack moved fast, and escaped back over to his side of the room where he had claimed new territory for the evening. Playing coy, he called softly over to Jonas.

"Everything okay over there Jonas?" Jack wondered if Jonas could hear him grinning.

"Yes sir. But you know something? This sure isn't a very big couch, I keep falling off! Maybe tomorrow we can trade! I'll take the floor and you can have the couch, how's that?" Jonas yawned as he prepared to go back to sleep...for the third time that night.

"Yeah, sure, okay. Just try and get some shuteye will ya? I think Carter's going to be very busy tomorrow." Jack was still smiling as he glanced towards Sam's door.

"Okay Colonel, goodnight."

"Night."

Teal'c smiled slightly to himself. O'Neill had not seen him watching his antics with Jonas. Oh yes. He would have the couch the third night for certain.

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	5. chapter five: the second day

Chapter 5 Second Day: Carter

Sam awoke to the smell of food, and her stomach turned. A large yawn escaped her mouth as she swung her legs back out of bed. Looking at the bedside clock, she noticed that it was almost one in the afternoon.

"It's almost one o'clock?!" She said out loud in surprise. She couldn't believe the Colonel let her sleep this late. On a mission, they would have been up at four in the morning. Well, even on a normal day she only slept until five or six. She was still in her t-shirt and pants, as she didn't feel comfortable sleeping in the buff with all the guys around. Sam looked down at her feet dangling off of the side of the bed. She noticed that both socks were missing as usual when she got out of bed in the morning. Her mom used to say that she would make a nest in the covers with her feet and that was what caused her to lose her socks. Sam smiled at the memory, and dug through the covers to find her socks. She put on her shoes, and walked to the door to go out into the other room with the rest of her team.

"Hey Carter, you're awake! It's about time you rolled out of the sack. Want some lunch?" Jack was all too bright-eyed as he spoke to his 2IC.

"Sir, why did you let me sleep that late? I haven't slept until after noon since I was in high school." Sam's mouth was beginning to water as she eyed the lunch trays that had been brought in for them.

"Don't worry Sam, we all slept late today. Colonel O'Neill just got up himself about a half an hour ago, and you know how unusual it is for him to sleep at all, much less sleep until noon. How are you feeling?" Was that _ketchup _Jonas was putting on his tuna sandwich?

Sam was beginning to change her mind about lunch. She looked at Jonas with disgust as he squeezed a big blob of red sauce on his sandwich.

"What?" Jonas said as he shrugged his shoulders and took a big bite.

"Nothing. Colonel, I am exhausted. Frankly, I could go back to bed and sleep another twelve hours. I think it has to do with the Earth's gravitational pull on the magnetic fields around our bodies. I…" She stopped midstream as the guys were diving into their lunch trays. Teal'c hadn't even spoken to her yet. He simply nodded at her with a mouthful of food.

Sam noticed that while Jonas and Teal'c could sit at the table and not stick together, the Colonel was on the other side of the room, sitting on the floor near his sleeping blankets. Sam guessed that that was where the Colonel had spent his night after his charade with Jonas. 

"Yeeah Carter, I feel like I weigh a ton. But I am learning how to cope pretty well, you will too. Besides, it will only be today and tomorrow." Jack took a bite of what looked like some sort of pasta dish. "Hey you know what they did? They forgot to give us plastic forks and knives, look!" Jack held up his hands. The knife was stuck to his right hand, and the fork was stuck to his left. He grinned trough his mouth full of food.

Sam let out a big sigh and walked over to the counter to see what was for lunch. But she got a little too close to where Teal'c and Jonas were sitting at the table. As she went behind Teal'c, the magnetic fields around them connected. Before Sam or Teal'c could react, the chair tipped over backwards, and dumped the large Jaffa onto the floor on his back. 

Sam started to laugh. So did Jonas. So did Jack. Teal'c was still holding onto his fork, and still sort of sitting in the chair, with his feet up in the air.

"I'm sorry Teal'c, I…can't help but laugh. I ha ha ha ah ah hhaa didn't mean to get so close!" Sam had stepped back out of range of Teal'c so he could roll over and get back up. He glared at Sam as he righted the chair.

"Really Teal'c I'm sorry." Sam said again

"No you are not." Teal'c stated as he sat back down to finish his lunch. Jack and Jonas laughed again as they too continued on eating.

Sam grabbed her tray from the counter, and decided to sit down on the floor with the Colonel so she wouldn't be pulled to Teal'c or Jonas. She knew it would be safe down there because she and Colonel O'Neill were magnetically charged the same.

Jack however, was almost finished with his lunch.

"So Carter, how did you sleep? I'm sorry we woke you up last night with our…uh… situation." Jack said rising to put his tray back on the counter so it would be cleared when the guard came back. He re-joined Sam on the floor. When he did, he noticed that she scooted back just a little. Jack wondered if it was voluntary or not.

Sam saw the look that Jack gave her as their magnetic fields repelled one another, and she was pushed a little ways back.

"Sir I didn't do that on purpose. The fields that surround us are repelling. The closer we try to get, the further away we'll be pushed from each other." Sam started in on her chicken sandwich. Boy was she glad they had been around long enough for the gang in the mess hall to know what to send up for the meals.

"You mean, the closer we get, the further we'll fall? Well, that sucks." Before realizing what he said, Jack quickly stammered, "Wups, did I say that out loud?

"Yes sir, you did!" Sam just smiled and kept on eating.

Just then, the door opened, and one of the guards entered their quarters followed by Janet Frasier.

"Hello everyone! As sorry as I am to have to tell you this, General Hammond has requested that you come with me to one of the rooms in the infirmary. We have cleared everything out. It took all night, because 98% of everything in that infirmary is metal, or has metal in it, but we got it done."

"What did he do that for? I heard you say that we could wait for a few days for our physicals?" Jack was about to start whining. Why not, it worked every other time.

"Sorry Colonel, the NID wants to have a look at you and your team, and they prefer to do it in the infirmary. Don't worry, they are not here for anything other than observation. The General has made that pretty clear to them, sir." Janet had been prepared for this protest from Colonel O'Neill. A good night's sleep had helped her patience level tremendously.

Sam wolfed down the rest of the chicken sandwich, and she, Teal'c, Jonas and Jack stood to head up to the infirmary on level 19.

They all were careful to leave one by one. They had worked out a little system unknowingly, and Teal'c and Jonas walked together, and Sam and Jack walked together. That way, the magnetic fields repelled instead of attracted. Jack brought up the rear as he followed the rest of the team out into the corridor.

Jack was still feeling ornery as ever, and without warning, he quickly changed speeds to catch up with Carter. Walking fast, he stepped right up behind Sam. The magnetic fields repelled, and Sam was pushed forward. Taking quick steps so as not to fall, Sam turned around.

"Sir, please." She turned back around and kept walking.

"Sorry Carter." Jack was smiling. He waited a couple of seconds. Then he took a leap to land right behind Sam again. She went forward again, as if she had been rudely shoved from behind. Jack slowed immediately as Sam stopped and turned to look at him.

"SIR!!" Sam glared. She started walking again.

They made it to the elevators, and as the doors opened, Jack stepped really close to Sam as she was getting on the lift. She stumbled into the airman that separated her and Jonas.

"Ma'am?" The airman said as he turned to see Sam trying to untangle herself from his back.

"Sorry Sergeant. It was… the… uh…Colonel O'Neill uh…never mind." Sam stuttered. As the doors to the car closed, Sam glowered at the Colonel. He just smiled a cockeyed smile and enjoyed the ride up to 19. Once there, Teal'c and Jonas got off first, followed by Sam and Jack. 

"General Hammond and some members of the NID are waiting for you to arrive." Janet said as she led the team to one of the newly remodeled infirmary rooms.

Jack couldn't resist. He stepped up behind Carter again. She stumbled so far, that she

fell into the back of Jonas this time….and got stuck. The airman beside Jonas

reached over to get a hold of Sam. Jonas tried turning, and Sam went with him. The

airman pulled, and Sam came loose fairly easy. She stood up and turned around to face

the Colonel.

"SIR! STOP IT!" Sam stood in place and faced her CO. "I am not moving until you go 

first. I insist." She was not going anywhere until the Colonel went ahead of her.

"Careful Major, that's insubordination." Jack said in a singsong voice as he stepped

around Carter with a grin.

It took everything that Sam had not to stick up her finger or stick out her tongue at him. 

She'd be court martialled in a heartbeat. Maybe. The others just watched as Sam and 

Jack carried on. As much as things changed, they always stayed the same. 

The four entered the infirmary and were not surprised to see absolutely nothing in the room. Up in the observation area, General Hammond and about six NID agents looked down at them.

"Afternoon General Hammond." Jonas said up to the window.

"Sg-1 this is not an interrogation, or a briefing, the NID would simply like to see the effects of the electro-magnetization on you, before they wear off. So, on that note, we are going to try some experiments." Hammond sounded a slight bit amused as he delivered this latest information.

"What kind of experiments sir?" Sam took the bait, and her mood changed instantly.

"AAH, here we go. Those wouldn't happen to be NID _SCIENTISTS_ would they General?" Jack said annoyance taking over the tone in his voice.

"As a matter of fact Colonel, yes they are scientists, and the experiments have to do with different ordinary objects, and situations that we might come in contact with if we agree to trade with the Cequarish people. We have to know what sort of thing we are dealing with, and you and your team are the best source of information right at this time. And…Jack, may I add that the pentagon and the president have already approved these experiments, so you have no choice." Hammond too had prepared for whatever Colonel O'Neill brought his way. Nothing a terrific, extra tall mocha chocolate latte couldn't do to help start a day off right.

"Yes sir." Was all that Jack would allow.

Jonas and Teal'c were just happy to get out of the isolation quarters, there were only so many different ways to play cards, and they both sucked at scrabble. So this would relieve the severe boredom they were expected to suffer at the expense of meeting some new alien friends.

Sam on the other hand was giddy. The scientist in her took over. Maybe she wouldn't have to wait until she got to her lab to do some research. She would just have to pay close attention to the type of experiments the NID would do, and read the reports thoroughly before continuing her own experiments. She looked back up at the General and the NID guys. 

"So! Sir! Where do we start?"

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	6. Ch 6 experiments

Chapter 6: Experiments

Sg-1 just stood in the empty infirmary room, as the door opened to reveal several lab technicians carrying various items. General Hammond was still MCing from the observation booth above.

"SG-1, I am going to turn over the mike to Dr. Robert Pfarr, of area 51. He will be leading you in these exercises." Hammond stepped back away from the microphone, and a young, attractive, dark haired guy appeared in the observation window.

"Good afternoon SG-1. The first two lab techs that are entering now, are carrying ordinary lap top computers. Now if..." The doctor was cut off by Jack.

"Did you say your name was Dr. Fire?" Jack was trying to forego the experiments as long as possible.

"Um, no, Colonel, It's Pfarr. As in FAR from home. Is it okay to proceed?" The Dr. wasn't used to Jack's way of doing things and was rather perturbed at the lack of cooperation that he was receiving from the older officer.

"Don't mind the Colonel, Dr. Pfarr, he always stalls like this. Go ahead." Sam shot Jack an 'I'm still annoyed with you for almost knocking me down in the hall, so I'm gonna get you back any way that I can' look. Besides, from where she was standing, the young Dr. Pfarr was rather cute. And tall too, she liked that. Maybe a little too young for her though, she preferred older men. The doctor continued.

"Thank you. As I was saying, the first two technicians are entering with ordinary lap top computers. We would like two of you that are oppositely charged, to take the computers, and type some general information into it. I.E.... your name and birth date, favorite colors, anything really. It doesn't matter. We want to see how the magnetic fields effect the CPU's of the computers, and if the different magnetic charges have any different results."

Sam took one of the computers, and on the other side of the room, Jonas took the other. They began typing random information into the laptops. The Colonel and Teal'c just stared on, the Colonel actually looking a bit hurt because he had nothing to play with. The lab technicians kept taking steps backward to avoid the magnetic fields that surrounded their subjects. For scientists, Jack didn't think they were too bright. No body had informed them that they too should remove all metal from their person. Jack watched with interest as one struggled to discreetly re-adjust his fly. It wasn't working.

Just to be mean, the Colonel stepped closer to the one having difficulty with his pants. The tech didn't even notice. Jack raised his arms up in the air as if stretching. The technician was surprised as his zipper suddenly went up, and to Jack's horror, stopped halfway as it pinched the technician's "personal equipment". The Colonel didn't know what to do. At first, his instinct told him to put his arm down. But Jack had pinched his own sack on a couple of occasions, and the part that always hurt the worst was getting the zipper DOWN. So Jack just stood there with his arms above his head, afraid to move. The technician was no longer trying to be discreet. The poor guy had tears in his eyes, as he looked up at Jack. The Colonel knew what had to be done. In one, swift motion, he brought his arms straight down. The zipper went back down too.

The technician took it as well as any man could in that situation. A small squeal escaped his mouth, just as Sam and Jonas were finishing up with the laptops. The technician could stifle his scream, but when Sam handed the computer back to him, he couldn't hide the tears, that were now rolling down his cheeks.

" Here you go, I knew it wouldn't take long for the CPU's to go haywire after we touched them, I just didn't think it would happen so qu...Are you okay?" Sam saw the technician's red, tear-streaked face, as he turned and left the infirmary room with the laptop under his arm. Sam looked up at the Colonel.

"Was it something I said?" Sam asked in complete sincerity. Jack just looked down at her and shrugged. He unconsciously adjusted the crotch of his own pants in sympathy for the tech. He really hadn't meant to hurt the guy, but apparently nobody else had noticed what had happened. Or so Jack had thought. He looked around the room, and saw Teal'c simply roll his eyes, and then give a single shake of his head.

Jack shrugged his shoulders again, and mouthed "what?" to his Jaffa comrade. As if to say 'how was I supposed to know the guy would get pinched?' The doctor's voice came back over the intercom.

"The next experiment deals with how your magnetic fields attract everyday ordinary objects that we use to work with in the lab, and around the base. Since this facility will be the first step in any de-contamination process, we need to know how various objects are effected."

SG-1 watched as several more technicians entered the infirmary. Jack was given what resembled a microscope. Sam was given different lab tools that were used to modify alien equipment, and she was surprised to see that it was HER stuff that they were handing her. 

"Hey this is my stuff! I don't want to ruin it, isn't there anything else we can use?" Sam looked up and asked the doctor in the window.

"Not to worry Major, we didn't bring anything electronic. Mechanically speaking, we just want to see how it is effected. Now please, take the tools." The doctor looked back down at what he was writing in front of him.

"With all due respect, Dr. Pfarr," Sam said without taking the tools from the technician's hand. "Do you understand how a magnet works? By temporarily aligning all of the atoms within the metal, little clusters are created called Domains. When the domains are all aligned in one direction, they are temporarily magnetized. This can either occur by way of another magnet, or by a magnetic field." She stopped to take a breath, and the doctor jumped in before she could begin again.

"I am aware of how a magnet is created major, that's why I was called in for what were supposed to be brief observational experiments. Now if you please, the tools. Then, we will give the objects to Mr. Quinn, and Mr. Teal'c to see the effects of the opposite charge."

Sam was getting frustrated with the civilian scientist.

"First, It's Teal'c. Not MISTER Teal'c. Second, if the domains within the materials of the objects are temporarily magnetized one way, and then temporarily re-arranged the opposite way, who's to say that some of them won't stay permanently magnetized? I won't ever get another accurate reading from this equipment again! Do you have any idea how expensive this stuff is?" Sam could feel her face and ears burning.

"So in other words Dr. Flyer, the Major does not wish to continue with this experiment, so I suggest you move on to the next one!" Jack was struggling to get the microscope out of his hands to hand it back to the technician in front of him. Teal'c and Jonas looked at each other and shook their heads at the mispronunciation of the doctor's name. The doctor didn't put up a fight.

"Very well."

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Three hours and a dozen more experiments later, it was almost time for dinner. Jack noticed his stomach growl, and looked up at the observation booth.

"Are we done yet?" The Colonel asked the doctor who was still writing away. General Hammond had already left the level, and had gone back to his office over two hours ago, and Janet and Dr. Pfarr were the only ones still left in the booth.

"Yes, Colonel, in fact this is our last scenario, I think you'll find it quite entertaining. It is a rescue scenario. What's going to happen is, two of you who are oppositely charged, are going to go first. One will lie down on the floor, and assume to be injured. The other will attempt a rescue, by running from one side of the infirmary to the other to pull the injured one to safety. The object of the experiment is to get the injured one out of harm's way to the other side of the infirmary, in the quickest amount of time. The experiment will then be repeated with two of you who are charged identically. I'll give you a few moments to decide who will participate." The doctor stepped back from the mike.

"Well, this sounds like fun. Teal'c you get to rescue me, I'll be the injured one. I don't think any of us could pull you anywhere by ourselves. Then, Carter and I will go, and she gets to be the injured one. Jonas? Your job on this mission is to stand there and NOT laugh at us as we try this out. Okay Dr. farm, we're ready." Jack looked up at the observation booth again.

"Just waiting for one more thing. And Colonel? It's PFARR! P-F-A-R-R! Pfarr, got it?"

"Pfarr, got it. Hey what's Siler doing here?" The Colonel asked as Sergeant Siler entered the room above the infirmary.

"That's what I was waiting for, we're incorporating the sounds of gunfire, and staff weapon blasts over the speakers, and dimming the lights to almost nothing to make it seem more real to you. Enjoy!" That said, and the lights immediately dimmed. Sam and Jonas stepped back out of the way of the Colonel and Teal'c, careful not to get too close to each other in the process. The tape played of gunfire and staff blasts. Sam couldn't believe how real it sounded. She'd have to ask Siler later how he came up with it.

The Colonel was at one end of the infirmary, lying on the floor, face down. Teal'c was at the other end in a runners ready stance, waiting for the go ahead. The pseudo gunfire roared in the large empty room.

"Time starts...NOW!" Said the doctor. Teal'c took off at break neck speed. It was hard for Sam and Jonas to keep watch with the lights so low. Teal'c ran so fast, that when he got to O'Neill and their magnetic fields attracted, he tripped over his own shoes, and landed right on the Colonel. It was very tough watching the big Jaffa take a fall, but what came next made up for it.

"OAOAW damn it Teal'c I thought you were supposed to be rescuing me, not injuring me further! Are you trying to kill me? Will you get off of me?!!" The two rolled over and over trying to disconnect themselves. The more they rolled, the more they got stuck.

"Three minutes Colonel." Came Dr. Pfarr's voice over the explosion sounds.

"Colonel, remember what I said about magnets?" Sam shouted over at the struggling pair. "The more you struggle, the harder it is to get disconnected! Roll swiftly in OPPOSITE directions, you should come un-connected then!" Jonas and Sam watched as Teal'c and Jack rolled away from each other, and the Colonel just laid there waiting for Teal'c to come back again. He did.

Teal'c slowly stood up and gently leaned down to grab O'Neill by the waistband of his trousers. His hand was immediately pulled to the Colonel, and Teal'c proceeded to drag the older man to the other side of the infirmary, where he had started from. Two lab technicians helped to separate them when they reached the other side.

"Are your injuries severe O'Neill? It was not my intention to injure you, only to rescue you." Teal'c asked.

"Nah, don't worry about it, I'm fine. You sure could stand to lose a few pounds though. Go ahead and Stand with Jonas, let Carter and I try this now." Jack was brushing himself off as he talked to Teal'c.

" Colonel that was over ten minutes! What would have happened in that span of time on the battlefield? My estimation is that the two of you would have been eliminated. Let's try the second phase of the experiment. Please!"

Sam lay down on the floor in the same position as the Colonel had been in when Teal'c clobbered him. Jack waited for the go ahead.

"Time starts ...Now!" Jack could tell the doctor was getting a kick out of this. He charged to the other side of the room to where Sam lay. Now, they had a problem. As the Colonel reached down for his 2ICs waistband like Teal'c had done, his hand was pushed away by the magnetic field. The closest He could get to her was about half a foot away. The Colonel tried every angle possible, and none would allow him to gain the advantage to where he could grab a hold of Sam.

"Twelve minutes Colonel!" Came the doctor's voice. After fifteen minutes, the doctor stopped the experiment.

"Fifteen minutes Colonel, okay you can quit now." The lights came on, and the fake gunfire stopped. The quiet was welcomed by all. Sam stood up, and dusted herself.

"I don't get it." Jack started in. "What happened? No matter what I tried, I couldn't reach you. What was that?"

"Sir, remember when I told you that because we are magnetically charged the same, our magnetic fields will repel each other? That's what it was. The more we try to touch, the farther away we will be repelled. Like when you were trying to run into me in the hall. Every time you stepped closer to me, I was pushed away. I think that was the whole purpose of the experiment sir. To see what would happen if we sent electro-magnetically charged soldiers into battle. Some of them would be able to help each other, and others wouldn't. Potentially a very dangerous situation sir." Sam finished.

"So no matter how hard I try, I won't even be able to touch you? " The Colonel realized what he'd said as everyone looked at him. "Uh, what I meant was, that if I wanted to... or if I couldn't... or if you were really...uh... never mind. I think I got it." Jack stammered.

"You've got to admit though sir, it would be a great way to control the frat regs." Sam said as the door opened to the infirmary. Remembering his earlier antics, Sam invited the Colonel to ahead of her. "C'mon sir, let's go get some chow. After you." The four headed back to their temporary quarters. Sam had a twinkle in her eye as the Colonel exited the infirmary ahead of her. They were followed by Teal'c and Jonas who were lost in their own conversation. 

Dr. Pfarr turned to look down at Dr. Frasier.

"Are they always like that?" He inquired.

"Oh no they are usually much worse." Janet was exiting the observation booth, and Dr. Pfarr heard her continue her sentence as she walked away from him.

"Yes, much, much, much worse."

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	7. Chapter seven: Urgent

Chapter 7: Urgent

"Well, that was rather tasty!" Jonas said after finishing the last bite of his cherry crisp topped with sour cream.

"Yeah, I can tell you have been here too long when you start calling the commissary food tasty. And how do you manage to come up with those concoctions anyway? Sour cream on cherry pie? What is it with you?" Jack felt much better after the long afternoon they had had, and although he hadn't enjoyed his food nearly as much as Jonas had seemed to, his belly was full and that was all that he really cared about.

"You guys up for a game of Pictionary?" Sam asked. "There's not much else to do anyway. Besides, I don't feel quite as tired as I did last night, I think I could hang out for a little while tonight.. What do you guys say?"

"Sounds good to me!" The Colonel immediately jumped up from his spot against the couch to the cupboard with all of the games in it. Remembering what had happened the last time he had opened the cupboard, he carefully opened each door protectively standing behind each one...just in case.

While Jack was setting up the game, Jonas and Teal'c scooted themselves as close together as they could manage on the floor in front of the couch where Jack had been a moment earlier. As Sam was sitting down a little ways across from them Jonas responded to Sam's earlier statement.

"Yeah Sam I don't feel as tired either, why do you think that is?" Jonas wasn't very convincing as a loud yawn escaped his mouth.

"You were saying?" Sam smiled at Jonas and he returned the gesture. Sam continued.

"I think the effects of the EM fields are wearing off as the Cequarish predicted. See? We're actually able to sit only about ten feet apart now before the two fields attract. Before it was about fifty feet, then when we came back to the SGC it was about twenty, and it is gradually decreasing, and my guess is that the fields will just dissipate on their own. I think if we just..." She was effectively cut off by Jack.

"I THINK if we just play Pictionary and forget about our little dilemma for a while we will get through the night much easier. No more technical talk." He looked right at Sam. "That's an order there, Major. Understood?"

Sam pursed her lips and then decided that it was better to just smile at him, and she dutifully replied with an impatient "Yes sir".

"O'Neill. I am unfamiliar with this method of entertainment. What is the purpose of this game?" Teal'c was always interested in Earth Culture, and anything remotely entertaining always fascinated him. Jaffa had their own methods of entertainment, but the Tauri ways of entertaining themselves outweighed anything that the Jaffa or Goa'uld had to offer. Teal'c had gotten particularly fond of the television, and also of O'Neill's video games. 'Virtual combat' Jack had called the ones where there is a lot of gunfire and blood. Teal'c preferred Tetris, that was his favorite.

"Thanks Teal'c I was getting ready to ask the same question, how do we play?" Jonas pitched in.

"Okay here are the rules and objects of the game. We have two teams of two people. The first team draws a card from this pile." Jack picked up the cards to show Jonas and Teal'c. "The person who draws the card gets to draw the picture." Jack held up the pad of blank white paper and the pencil. "The other person on the team has to guess what is being drawn before the timer runs out. If the timer runs out before the correct guess is made, then the other team gets to draw. If you guess correctly you get a point. Whoever has the most points at he end wins! You guys okay with that?" Jack looked from Sam to Jonas to Teal'c.

"Fine sir, What are teams?" Asked Sam hopefully.

"You and me, and Teal'c and Jonas." Jack scooted over to where Sam was sitting.

"O'Neill, would it not be less of an advantage to divide the teams up differently?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah Colonel, you and Sam have been on this planet all of your lives, and Teal'c and I have only been here for a little while. We probably don't have the experience at this game like you two might." Jonas was interrupted by Jack.

"Jonas, I have been stuck to you and on you and around you since we stepped through that gate yesterday, and it will be nice to have a break if you wouldn't mind. Besides, if you guys really get stuck, we can help you. How about we don't play for points, we just play for fun? What do say?" Jack was happy just to get to be on Sam's team, so he wouldn't look stupid losing against her.

"Okay that's fair enough. Can we go first?" Jonas said picking a card off of the pile without waiting for a reply from Jack.

"Be our guests" Jack smugly waved his hand at the game.

Jonas picked up the pad of paper and then began to draw. Sam flipped the timer over.

They all watched as Jonas drew a circle with two lines above it, and another circle with a box around it. Teal'c said nothing.

"Hey Teal'c aren't you going to guess?" Jack spoke up.

"Guess what O'Neill, there is nothing to guess. There is nothing distinguishable about anything on the piece of paper that Jonas is drawing on." Teal'c didn't look the least bit entertained.

"Thanks a lot Teal'c." Jonas stopped drawing.

"Well, we're off to a great start, don't you think..." All of the sudden Jack was rudely interrupted by the sound of the klaxons blaring about an unauthorized incoming wormhole.

"AW man, and we're stuck in here? We haven't had one of those in a while!"

Just then, the door opened, and the guard stood in the doorway.

"Colonel O'Neill sir. The General has requested that SG-1 be brought down to the gate-room. He said it is urgent, and that I am to escort you down immediately sir." Without waiting for another word, Jack was on his feet, followed by the rest of his team, one by one so they wouldn't get stuck. Jack was good this time and didn't pull anymore tricks on the way downstairs.

They reached the gate room in no time at all, and were surprised to see four members of the Cequarish commission at the base of the ramp talking with General Hammond. The de-contamination unit was running protocol to determine if there were any energy signatures that there needed to be concern for. Before any accurate readings could be given, the equipment that the decontamination team was using blanked out and shut down.

Sam looked apologetically at the team as General Hammond ordered them to stand down.

"De-con team stand by, you will need to run your scans after the Cequarish depart." Looking up at the control room the General continued. "Close the blast doors and power down all non-essential equipment. Keep the Stargate and the Iris functional, and turn off everything else."

" SG-1 I believe you know the head members of the Cequarish Commission." General Hammond nodded towards their new visitors.

"Colonel it is with great urgency that we have ventured to your world." The lead commissioner was the only one to speak.

"Auah...Excuse me here folks, but how did you get through the iris without a de-activation code?" Jack asked skeptically. He looked around as all of the personnel in present company were trying not to trip over themselves, as the combined electromagnetic energy from SG-1 and the Cequarish threatened to send them all sprawling towards the ramp. Even the General was clinging to the side rail of the ramp with some difficulty.

"Oh yes. We monitored the signal that you sent through the Stargate, and replicated it. We were granted entrance with no difficulty. Have no worries, we are not here to harm you, nor would we ever share your information with anyone else. We have encountered numerous species whose technology and intelligence we have kept under safe guard for hundreds of years. Your information will be safe with us as well." 

Just then one of the airmen really did trip over himself in an effort to get his footing from being pulled towards the ramp, and the only thing he could find to grab onto on the way down, were Colonel O'Neill's legs. The airman hit Jack square behind the knees, and there was no where for Jack to fall except for backwards onto the young airman behind him. The Colonel bounced off of the airman and landed on his butt at the base of the ramp, instantly stuck to the hard metal surface. He looked over at the airman struggling to haul himself up with little success. Then he looked up at General Hammond and the rest of his team as they were trying very hard not to break into a fit of laughter. The Cequarish looked at Jack and the Airman as if they had never seen such a display of odd behavior. Jack got slowly to his knees and then to his feet as the Airman did the same. When the young man turned around to face the 2IC of the base, Jack recognized him as the same airman that he'd yelled at the day before who kept running into the back of him.

Jack's face turned red, and with every ounce of professionalism he could muster, spoke to the almost cowering young subordinate.

"Airman, we seem to be having some communication issues here. Yesterday I told you that if you ran into the back of me one more time, there would be consequences, right?" The airman shook his head slowly one time up and down, not looking directly into Jack's eyes.

"Yes Sir." was all he said.

Continuing on in his most officer-like and pseudo-calm voice Jack said "Then I believe there are some latrines that need attending to right now, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes SIR!" The airman quickly saluted and beat a hasty retreat. Everyone else was watching with amusement as the scared airman bolted out of the Gate room as fast as he could manage.

Sam looked at Jack with a 'was that really necessary?' look, and Jack stuck up his nose and puffed out his chest in a way that could only come with the decree of power and rank. Jack simply turned his attention back to the Cequarish and General Hammond.

"So you were saying that you had some urgent business for us to help you with?" General Hammond was great at getting right back down to business.

The lead commissioner spoke up again. "Yes, we are in need of medical technology. Unfortunately, allowing your race into our facility has introduced some sort of very communicable disease to the personnel that are stationed within the observatory. Nothing we have available to us has been able to provide a solution, and we are afraid that this disease will be spread into the local populous. You must come back with us so that we may perform analysis to determine the cause of this illness."

Sam spoke up for the first time. "We have encountered exactly this type of situation before. We have equipment capable of determining what the cause of the illness may be, and hopefully we have the solution to your problem. What do you say General? I think Janet is perfectly capable of finding out what's going on, and well, it was sort of our fault anyway. We should go sir, especially if we want to make these folks our new allies." Sam waited for his response.

"Very well. SG-1, and ONLY SG-1 are permitted to return to the planet with Dr. Frasier. I can't risk anymore of my personnel coming back home with the after effects that you four have shown for the last couple of days. Get geared up, you have a go."

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	8. chapter 8 bless you

Chapter 8 Bless you

"Get geared up. Huh. Yeah right. Where's Siler with his pliers when you need him?" The Colonel was desperately trying to get his tactical vest on, and his arms kept getting stuck in the sleeves. Finally with some effort, he managed to get his right arm through, and then he used it to pull his left arm through too.

"Sir, we didn't seem to have any trouble." Sam said mockingly.

Jack ignored her.

"It figures. Just when this stuff was wearing off, we get to be the first ones back to the planet, and when we get home, the three days will start all over again." He sighed as Jonas looked away sheepishly.

"I believe it is a good thing for us to return to the planet O'Neill. As Major Carter said, if we want the Cequarish race to become our allies, we must indeed make certain that the illness comes under control." Teal'c could always be counted on to ruin a bout of Jack's ranting.

"I just meant Teal'c, that when we come back I could be stuck to Jonas again. I realize that we were sort of responsible for them getting sick, but you would think a society as sophisticated as they seem to be would be far more advanced medically than we are. Yet here they are asking for our help. I will never understand the priority system of the rest of the galaxy." The Colonel finally finished getting himself dressed as the rest of the team waited patiently. They all left the locker room after a great deal of difficulty, and were on their way back to the gate room. Janet met them at level 28 hauling an entire cart full of equipment by herself.

Jonas being the gentleman of the group offered to help.

"Dr. Frasier, let me get that for you." Before Janet could respond, Jonas was at her side trying to help with the cart. But his magnetic field was too strong, and the cart slammed hard into his upper thighs.

"UnGh!" Jonas looked down and winced at the heavy cart stuck to his legs.

"See Jonas, chivalry is totally over rated." Jack started with a smirk. "A couple inches higher, and that cart really would have made you famous with the girls in the infirmary."

Janet just looked back and forth from Jonas to the Colonel, while trying her best not to laugh at poor Jonas.

"Here Jonas, let me get that for you. I know it's heavy, but I have to get my field training somehow, right?" As little as she was, Janet pulled hard on the cart to get it free from Jonas's legs. It came loose very swiftly, and almost sent her reeling. She kept her feet though, and pushed the cart into the gate room ahead of SG-1, who followed behind, one by one. Jonas Just glared at Jack as he tried to keep his distance.

The gate was already active as the group entered the gate room, and at the base of the ramp were General Hammond with the Cequarish commission waiting to return to their home world.

" Well Lyinill, It was a pleasure getting acquainted, I am fairly certain we can remedy the situation on your planet." Hammond was speaking the Cequarish commission leader. The others simply looked on in silent respect. " We look forward to our friendship and possible alliance. Have a safe trip back home, Sg-1 and Dr. Frasier are ready to accompany you." As the general was finished speaking he reached out his right hand in what he hoped would be a gesture of respect. But the magnetic field around the Cequarish leader was too strong, and pulled Hammond's hand very hard into the gut of Lyinill.

"Oh I uh... I am terribly sorry, will you please forgive me for that, I didn't intend to do that, I just wanted to shake your hand as a gesture of good faith...UH." the General finally managed to pull his hand free.

The Cequarish were not offended in the least. In fact, they were quite amused. All of them smiled as their leader spoke yet again.

"All is well. No need for any apologies. When we make trade arrangements, we have technology that will prevent the attraction of our magnetic fields to your equipment and machines, and also your personnel." As he said the last bit, he looked over at SG-1. Sam's eyes were huge at the thought of more technology to explore, and she was just smiling away. In an attempt to nudge her, Jack had a momentary loss of memory and tried to give his 2IC a bump with his elbow. Their magnetic fields repelled, and Jack's arm which was connected to his P-90 slammed backwards, and his gun caught him on the chin. Sam had her own chance to smirk, as Jack took a slight step back, rubbing his sore spot. She looked at him with her best 'that's what you get' look.

The General spoke up once more. "I am sure our personnel would greatly appreciate the technology that prevents the magnetic fields from effecting them. I know you are wasting valuable time, so I am not going to hold you up any further. SG-1, you have a go. Do your best to solve the problem, I will see you when you get back." Hammond waved his flagship team up to the gate, as he slowly backed down the ramp.

"Yes sir, we'll report in twenty-four hours, or sooner depending on how fast we solve this thing." Jack said as he headed up the ramp. He turned to the Cequarish leader. "After you.....I am sorry what was your name again?"

As they carefully made their way up the ramp and into the event horizon, the Cequarish leader turned to Jack. "Lyinill". he said and passed through the rippling blue illusion with the Colonel on his heels.

Sam decided she would stay back with Janet, and they were the last ones through as they drove the F.R.E.D. up the ramp and into the wormhole.

******************************************************************************************

Emerging on the other side, Janet simply stopped and gasped at what she saw. They were in a massive facility, not unlike the SGC, except that it was above ground, and there was a lot of light coming in. The people in the facility were dressed similarly to their leaders, and Janet was reminded of a science fiction movie. Everyone wore blue. While the clothes were different on everyone, they were all the same color blue. She looked over at Sam.

"Impressive isn't it? This is their receiving facility for any travelers that come through the gate. Look up there." Sam said pointing up high. "It's sort of like a scanner. It detects Goa'uld, and other enemies, that might try and come through the gate. And over there, is their weapons system, which is only used in the event that the scanners fail. It's incredible, they have a backup plan for everything. And the best part of it is, they are very humble. They don't assume that their technology is better, but they are willing to share just about anything."

"But Sam what are they asking for in return?" Janet asked.

"They just want to learn about our technology and us. And I think after this, they will want our medical technology as well. Who knows, the Colonel deals with the politics, I get to play with all the neat stuff when we get our hands on it."

"Oh, you know something? You're not magnetized anymore. I was beginning to think those three days would never end. I hate when you guys are quarantined." Janet was still looking around at all the amazing things she was seeing.

"You hated it? Imagine how Jonas felt being stuck to the Colonel." The girls giggled and other members of the Cequarish approached them. Jack called back to them from down the long hallway.

"Okay girls, let the bellhops get the luggage, we have to be "decontaminated" before we start to try and help these people. And hurry it up will ya?"

Sam and Janet let the Cequarish lead their equipment and themselves down the corridor to two very large rooms. Teal'c, Jonas and the Colonel were already seated in one of them and the girls were led to the other one, along with their equipment. Jack and Jonas waved to them as they went by. Sam smiled back. She silently remembered the last time they had been, to use the Colonel's word, "de-contaminated". They had been in the same room together. She just smiled to herself, as she thought about returning to Earth again now that she and the Colonel were in separate magnetization rooms. Oppositely charged. Her thoughts were interrupted by Janet on the other side of her, talking to one of the Cequarish scientists.

"Well thank you Rollin, it is a pleasure to meet you, I feel much better now that I know what's happening." Just then the young, bright-eyed scientist sneezed very hard. He looked down at the front of his shirt with disgust and surprise.

"Bless you Rollin." Janet said.

"I..have never had this happen before. What is this? I am getting the sickness aren't I? I had better consult our physicians." With panic on his face, the young Cequarish ran from the room and slammed the door shut as he exited.

"Well that was weird. He said he has never sneezed before. But that's not really a sickness Janet, that's a..."

"COLD!!!" They said together.

"Sam this is better than I thought. If all they have is a simple cold, on one hand it'll be easy to remedy. On the other hand we'll have to offer all the vaccinations that we have on Earth to prevent them from getting anything else from us." Janet was very excited as the decontamination devices started and the travelers from Earth were once again magnetized according to Cequarish standard protocol. Maybe this trip wouldn't be as difficult as they had thought.


	9. ch9

Chapter 9 Remedy

The machines went off with an eerie kind of squeal, and the members of SG-1 and their CMO were led to a main room to meet once again with the Cequarish leaders. Sam started off the conversation.

"Lyinill, we think we already know what the problem is. One of your scientists sneezed while he was putting us into the electro- generator, room. He said it had never happened before. Can you tell us what kinds of symptoms your people are experiencing?"

"What are symptoms? I do not know this terminology. I will signal our senior physician." Before anyone could react, or say anything, the man was out a door on one side of the room, and back through another door on the opposite side of the room within two minutes.

"Wow. Houdini has nothing on this guy." Jack said to Teal'c in a whisper. Teal'c just shrugged, he had no idea who Houdini was, and it didn't particularly concern him at the moment.

"Our senior physician will be with you shortly. Can I offer some fluid or sustenance? We have an excellent cuisine available to you at your request." 

Jack spoke up. "We don't want to offend you, but we made you sick with something, and well, see we really don't want you to return the favor, even if it is unintentional. We brought everything we need if we have to stay for a few days, but if what Carter told me on the way over here is true, we should be able to help you out in no time. Thanks for the offer though, it's appreciated."

"For certain. I do hope you will be able to resolve our dilemma. Our physicians have never before encountered anything like what the people of this facility are experiencing. If it should get out of this structure into the general populous...well it could be devastating."

"We understand Lyinill; we are going to do everything we can to ensure the safety of your people." Sam was interrupted by another door at yet another part of the room coming open. A little tiny man, about half the size of Janet, and about twice the width, came waddling in through the door. He wore blue like the rest of his race, but his "suit" hung behind him on the floor, and it reminded Sam of a wizard's robe. The little fat man was bald, with no hair whatsoever on any part of his head or upper body. He smiled brightly at the taller members of earth as he entered the room.

"Greetings! My name is Nambanrill. I am the senior physician of this facility. I do hope you have come to aid us in our journey to discover a remedy for our...oh...my, I really don't know what to call it. Come! I will show you to our medicine hall!" The little fat man turned and waved his hand for the members of Sg-1 to follow. The group headed toward the door where Nambanrill had entered from, and now stood waiting for them. For a little fat man, he moved very quickly, and Sg-1 had to walk briskly to keep up with him. Lyinill also accompanied them. Jonas spoke softly to Jack as they traveled down a ridiculously long corridor with very bright lights.

"Boy. When they said "shortly", they weren't kidding, huh? How in the heck does he move so fast anyway?"

"Tell me about it. I wonder if they have ever seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory? Have you seen that yet? With the little oompa loompas, and the blue berry girl, and the..." Jack stopped as he realized that everyone else had stopped at the entrance to another very large room and everyone had also turned to look at him.

"Oh. Guess it didn't come out on DVD yet in this part of the galaxy. What region are you guys anyway?"

Sam and Janet were desperately trying not to laugh, and Teal'c and Jonas were as lost as ever when it came to Jack's slang, and his comments about television. The two members of the Cequarish race just looked on in curiosity at their visitors' antics. The little fat man spoke up.

"Please, right this way." He led the group into the room, which was divided into approximately fifty different little cubicles, about twenty-five or so on each side. In each of the little cubicles was a bed-like structure, with a member of the Cequarish race lying down on each one. At the base of each bed, were monitors, which Janet recognized as representative of the species vital signs. What she saw, completely amazed her.

"Are those monitors tracking their internal rhythms? Can you explain these to me?" She wandered down between the two rows of beds looking excitedly at the machines.

The little fat man followed behind her nodding. He was very excited to share information about his people if only to help make them better.

"Oh yes, yes. Each member of our race is implanted with a circuit after birth which is tracked all through their life by our central medical profiling systems. These lines here, are the respirations, there is one for inspiration, as well as expiration. They let us know if either one fluctuates more so than the other, or if there are any lapses in either of the respirations. These next ones are the circulation rhythms. They monitor..."

"Wait, why are there two rhythms for circulation? That's the heart rhythm and what else?" Janet said as the rest of the team looked on with her.

"The Cequarish race have two of everything. The "heart" as you say is actually two. We have two brains. We have two lungs, two separate digestive tracts and two sets of reproductive organs, both male and female."

"Wait a minute. Woh ho ho ho. Hold up. Say again? You have both MALE and FEMALE reproductive organs? How does that work?" Jack couldn't take it anymore, enough already.

"Sir?!!" Sam said, slightly embarrassed. But even her curiosity had been aroused.

Nambanrill continued on, un-phased by the colonel's sudden outburst. "It ensures species survival. There are a dominant set of reproductive organs, and there are a non-dominant set. If there are no mates of the opposite sex available, then our bodies are programmed to create a joining of the two sets in order to procreate. However, unlike your physiology, everything occurs on the inside of the body. The circuits that are implanted in our brains at birth, are automatically programmed to initiate the reproduction process at a specific age, if a mate has not been found. Therefore, every one of us is capable of sustaining offspring, in the event that a mate has not been acquired. We are also able to share our "organs" as you say to those of us who are in need of them due to illness or injury."

"Sort of like transplants back on Earth." Janet said to the group. "But I don't understand. Your medical systems are far more advanced than ours, how is it that you need our assistance?"

"And how is it that you know so much about us? We only met you five days ago." Jack was a little more than flustered at the thought of an entire race of he-shes and also at the thought that they knew so much about human anatomy and physiology.

"Our scanners collect information about any travelers that venture through the stone ring. Including internal structure, chemical composition, and intellectual abilities. Your species is by far the most complex that we have encountered, and you are almost comparable to our species intellectually speaking. We do not use both of our brains at one time. Each of them has a different function at a different part of our lives. Humans only have one brain as it seems, and it is much larger than both of ours. We can also learn much of the language, and terminology that travelers use, simply by scanning their memories, and the learning centers of their brains." Nambanrill stopped to take a breath.

"But that still doesn't answer the question of why you need our _help_." The Colonel's shock was beginning to wear off, and he desperately wanted to be at home in his boxers in front of the television. Not on a planet God knew how many light years away where the people were twice what he had expected them to be.

The little fat man started in again with his almost jolly tirade. "We do not have internal immune systems like you do. We do not have a cellular make up compatible to yours. I am afraid in that aspect, your anatomy is far superior to ours. Which is why we have to keep everything very sterile and clean. And this facility is the most important part of keeping our society safe from any harmful antigens. Most of our race need only to see a medical officer once every twelve of your years. They do not require any further medical assistance. If they do, they travel here, or to one of four other facilities like this on our planet. So we sent for you in the hopes that you could identify whatever is the cause of their illness and remedy it before everyone in this facility is contaminated." 

"Okay then. Doc, you and Carter get to work, because the three of us have some negotiating to do, right Lyinill?" Jack turned to the Cequarish leader.

"Indeed Colonel. Come. Let us go out into the mail hall to communicate. I do believe your female officers are quite capable of cooperation with Nambanrill. Please, this way." The taller Cequarish turned on his heels and exited to the corridor from which they had entered.

"Yes. We'll be communicating, you ladies be swift now, we need to be home before the streetlights come on." Jack said to Sam and Janet. The boys left the girls alone with Nambanrill.

"Yes sir." Janet and Sam answered together.

The girls followed the little fat man to the front of the room where their equipment had been brought in for them. Now it was their turn to introduce Nambanrill to their technology. They started opening cases and 

explaining each piece of equipment and what it was for.

"Are you sure our stuff is going to even work?" Sam had her doubts after the experiments that the NID technicians had run back on earth with the laptops and other various electronic devices.

"Oh yes. We put them through rigorous magnetronic protocols, but we ensure that they will be fully operational. I cannot say however, that they will still function upon your return to your own planet."

"Great. General Hammond's really not going to like my request for this month's shopping list. Or the amount of money it's going to cost from the budget."

"Don't worry Janet, if we are able to arrange for trade of technology, then I think he might just call it even. So okay. Let's just start with basic physicals, and let's take a look at their symptoms. Sam just hang with me for the first few patients, and then after you know what kinds of questions to ask, you can go on your own. We'll get it done much faster if we both work at the same time."

Sam and Janet started their assessments with determined alacrity, followed closely behind by the little fat man who was eagerly recording "notes" into some kind of device as they worked. It was going to be a long next couple of hours. 


	10. ch 10

Chapter 10 Homeward bound

Teal'c and Jonas, who had been silent during the exquisite explanation provided by the little fat man, followed the Colonel out of the medical hall, to find Lyinill waiting for them. They were led to some steps and up to another floor, where they could look out over the terrain of the Cequarish home world.

"Very nice view. The weather on this planet is beautiful. Does it stay like this all the time?" Jonas asked. 

"We create the "weather" as you say, as we need it. If we need sun, we turn the gravity generators to a specific setting, and the planet rotates and we get the sun. If we need the rain, we turn the generators a different way for gas and vapor production in our sky. It rains, and the generators have another function to generate wind so that the rain may cease, and the fields may dry. The generators are very large, and are located at the deepest part of our planet's core. It has taken us thousands of year's worth of modifications and construction to get the technology as far along as it is now. We have also acquired some of the technology from other travelers that have ventured through the ring, such as you yourselves did. As it is, our planet does not have gravity naturally, so the generators produce the gravity automatically, but we can manually control them when we deem it necessary."

"What do you call this world?" Teal'c spoke up for the first time since their arrival.

"Cequalan." Lyinill's chest puffed out as he spoke. "There are many different people on our world. I think there are over ten different languages!" It is difficult to keep up with them all. Plus, we have hundreds of others stored in our systems from the various travelers that have come here, in case we need them again. We don't speak in a stranger's dialect unless the strangers are in our presence. As now, I am speaking to you in your language because it is most accommodating to you. As are the rest of the members of this facility."

"Wow, that's incredible, your species must have a memory capacity that's unbelievable if you are able to learn an entire language when you need it!" Jonas was as fascinated as could be.

"Would you like to see some of our systems? I'll have one of the scientists show you." Just then, another tall Cequarish came to Jonas's side.

"This way. I am Marslin. We have to travel a short distance to the other side of the facility." He said, gesturing for Jonas to follow him. Jonas looked to Jack for confirmation.

"Go ahead; just make sure you can get back here when Carter and Frasier are done. And don't touch anything for crying out loud, we don't want to give them something else." Jack waved him off with his arm in a fly swatting gesture. "We'll just wait here and talk politics." Teal'c rolled his eyes patiently, enough for Jack to see, and the Colonel let a small grin appear at the corners of his mouth. He was glad Teal'c had learned to appreciate his sense of humor.

"So, Lyinill, why is everybody dressed in blue? You guys need a little variety in your wardrobe." Jack turned back to look at the passersby.

"We do not see color. Many travelers have tried to explain this concept to us, but we just cannot learn. Our brains are able to distinguish many different sights at one time, and remember everything. But color is a foreign perception that we do not possess. So when you say "blue" we do not understand. Our clothing is made from a fabric called kilsh. It is manufactured from threads of a plant that we grow in our fields."

"Oh. Yeah, we have a fabric like that too, it's called cotton. Cool! So how do we know when Sam and Janet are done. Do we wait here, or should we call them or what?" I will arrange for them to be brought down to the main hall, which is where we should proceed to until the completion of their duties. Come this way. Are you ready for sustenance yet? It can be provided for you. Let us make our way, your personnel will join you when their operations are finished."

"All righty then. Teal'c you hungry?" Jack said to his Jaffa companion as they headed back down the steps.

******************************************************************************************

Three hours later, Sam and Janet were being accompanied back out into the main hall by Nambanrill and Rollin, who had originally helped them into the facility with their equipment. All four of them were smiling and laughing, and Jack took that as a good sign that they were headed home. Jonas joined them not five minutes later.

"Hello sir, everything went better than we thought it would. The people that are sick have the flu! Fortunately with our diagnostic equipment, and the help of Nambanrill's equipment, we were able to isolate the specific strain of the flu, and provide the appropriate vaccine! They should be on their feet again in no time, and we have left the required information so that more of the vaccine may be created if anyone else should get sick. But we should head home before we contaminate anything or anyone else. That's the good news." Janet stopped for a breath.

"What's the bad news?" Jack thought he knew where this was going.

"Well sir, the bad news is that one of you has the flu virus in your system right now, and are probably going to get sick within the next day or so after we get home. It wasn't me, as this started after your original visit to this planet. It won't be Teal'c, his symbiote would have prevented it. Jonas might get sick, but his immune system is almost as good as Teal'c's. So my guess is that it will be either you or Sam." Janet said hoping against hope that it was Sam. She couldn't handle having the Colonel in her infirmary this weekend, damn it. She had plans for putting back everything that had been taken out of isolation room four after the experiments from the NID.

"Well that's just great news doc. But everything else is okay; we are okay to go home now? These people are going to be able to get on with their lives, we are certain everything will return to normal?" Jack said with a whole lot of doubt. How in the hell did the flu get cured in three hours? He was fifty years old, and damn if he didn't get the flu every year.

"Yes sir, everything will be fine in a few days. And no one has left the facility that has been sick, so there has been no chance of the flu escaping. We can go home now." Sam defended Janet. She was eager to go home too.

Jack turned to Jonas who looked like he was going to wet his pants.

"What's the matter with you?" Jack couldn't help but be bitter. He just knew that it would be him who got sick when they got home. He decided to deflate Jonas's little happy balloon with his condescending tone; to no avail however. Jonas grinned even broader.

"The Cequarish are giving us some information about their scanners and weapons technology as a token of thanks for returning health to their people. They aren't allowing us to take the information on the gravity generators just yet; they want to get to know us a little better first. And the weapons technology is small, personal weaponry, not anything massive, but it's a start! I was also able to see the different languages of this planet, and they are like nothing I have ever seen before. They are letting me take some scripts home to study and learn!" He held up a container in his hand. 

"Okay, slow down, you're going to hurt yourself. Let's head out, we can talk about it later." Jack turned to the Cequarish leader, and stuck out his hand as General Hammond had done back in the gate room. Lyinill took a quick step backwards in anticipation of another blow to the stomach. But Jack's hand moved slowly enough, and it hung mid air waiting for a return gesture from Lyinill. A smile also hung on said Colonel's face as he waited for a response.

"Excuse me Colonel, I didn't mean anything by that, it was just a reaction after the previous attempt by your leader to show his respect. It has been a pleasure to learn about your species, and it is the hope of the people of this world that we may continue this relationship for many centuries. Rollin will lead you back to the stone ring." He stuck out his hand to meet the Colonel's. "Be well, and good day."

The two shook hands cordially, and SG-1 and Dr. Frasier, accompanied by Rollin and the little fat man, headed back to the gate for their journey home.

******************************************************************************************

When they stepped through the gate this time, they came one by one, following behind their equipment, and already prepared to be effected by their magnetization on Cequalan. Jonas went through first, and got about half way down the ramp before he got stuck. Janet Frasier followed behind him and when she got about ten feet behind Jonas, his magnetic field which was oppositely charged from her own, pulled her right into his rear end. She was stuck right there on Jonas's backside, and couldn't move.

Teal'c came through next, and he had been smart enough to come through on the other side of the gate, so he exited on the other side of the ramp. He made it a little further down the ramp than Jonas had before he too got stuck.

Sam was fourth through the gate, and she didn't get very far down the ramp before the Colonel came barreling through behind her. Literally. This time, they had been oppositely charged, and before Jack could say, do, or think anything, he was stuck right to Sam, in a similar position to that of Jonas and Janet.

The defense team had been tremendously downsized in anticipation of SG-1's return. It consisted of just two guys. One to man each of the fifty caliber guns that had been bolted to floor upon their first return from Cequalan four days ago. The rest of the staff was waiting outside for Hammond to give the go ahead for them to help SG-1 out of their gear. Luckily, they had had time to get the F.R.E.D. out of the gate room before the members of SG-1 had come through, or everything would have went flying. General Hammond motioned for everyone to follow him into the gate room, so that he could assess the situation further.

When he entered the gate room, he immediately knew that the next three days were going to be trouble.

Colonel O'Neill was stuck to Major carter. Dr. Frasier was stuck to Jonas. Teal'c wasn't stuck to any one, luckily, but they were all once again, stuck to the ramp. In very compromising positions.

"Sir, I know how this looks, I swear, but we didn't do this on purpose!" Jack said loudly. Sam flinched as he yelled in her ear.

"Sir, you're screaming in my ear. I think the General can hear you just fine." Sam said as she tried to turn her head away from Jack's loud mouth.

"Oh. Sorry Carter." He said back.

"Well Colonel, you do realize that SG-1 and you as well Dr. Frasier, are going to have to return to the isolation quarters until the effects wear off. We were pleased to hear from your transmission that everything went fine, and we also procured some alien weapons technology. You and your team did a fantastic Job this time around. And you were even home early for a change! You know the drill from last time; we have to get you out of your gear, so that it can go to de-con." They all groaned, as they knew they had to strip down to their under clothes again. "I'll just instruct the airmen to get you a lot further apart so that you can get your gear off. Oh and Colonel? One more thing. Try and watch yourself, these next couple of days will you? I'll check in on you after they get you upstairs to the isolation quarters. I'll also have them put another mattress in the same room as Major Carter's to accommodate Dr. Frasier. Well done." Jack didn't have to ask why the General had ordered him to be careful, all he had to do was look down into Sam's hair, and understand perfectly well.

Janet spoke to Jonas from behind and below. She didn't realize that Jonas was as tall as he was. She was quite literally talking to his kidneys. 

"Well Jonas, at least you didn't get stuck to the Colonel this time. This is very strange, not being able to move right or anything." She giggled. " And to be honest, I have never been attracted to anyone this way before. Very interesting. I hope my nursing staff doesn't get jealous, or there might be some trouble when I get back to work in a few days." Janet and Jonas giggled despite themselves, as four airmen were currently trying to separate them to get their gear off.

A little further back on the ramp were Sam and Jack, picking on each other already.

"Sir, just stay still they can't get us apart if we keep moving. Do you remember when you and Jonas were rolling on the floor? The more you move the worse the attraction of the electro-magnetic fields is going to get. And what is that sticking me in the back?"

"It's my tactical vest Carter, and there had better not be any mention of any side arms, understood?" Jack used his CO tone and prodded her with his index finger on her right shoulder to get his point across.

He was waiting on a response from Sam. When he didn't get it, he pulled rank on her.

"Major?"

Then, she sneezed. Very hard, and very loud. The force and motion of her sneeze caused her to bend forward, and then back. She was so startled, that she turned around without even thinking about it to apologize to the Colonel. Well, she made it around, but was instantly stuck to him again. This time she was facing him directly.

"Sorry sir, it looks like I am the one that's going to get the.......AAAAAHCHOOOO!!" Sam sneezed right in Jack's face, as he shut his eyes tight against the shower of flu infected spray. He brought his hand up to his face with some difficulty and wiped his eyes.

"That's okay Carter. Because when this is done, and I am the one with the flu since you will have given it to me, I am crashing at your place so you can bring me chicken soup until I am well again. I wonder if sneezing on a superior officer is grounds for dismissal?"

Sam panicked. "Why sir?"

Jack smiled broadly and leaned his head forward slightly to speak softly so that only Sam could hear it.

"Because, Major. I could get used to being stuck to you like this." 


End file.
